Mixed emotions

2011-01-12T20:55:00.002-06:00

I'm feeling a bit tortured at the moment. I miss someone terribly... so much that I have been dreaming about them. What worries me the most is that I don't really miss this particular person but the idea of them and what could have been. To me, that is the worst kind of feelings to have because I'm afraid I'll never know. I just wish I had the chance to figure it out for myself instead of constantly wondering and beating myself up about the fact that I screwed up this opportunity. Maybe it wasn't me, maybe it was always going to end up this way but I still feel deep down that I could have done something differently.
Right now I am happy to say the lines of communication have been re-opened. I grew a pair and made the first move. This really would have been better if he had taken the initiative to try and reach out to me first... I just don't know where to go from here. Why are men and relationships so freaking complicated? What is everyone so afraid of? I'm not planning on marrying anyone or even having children for that matter. What makes people run? I'm not asking for commitment just friendship with a dash of intimacy.

Tonight my goal is to not think about him. I will put on my belly dancing music and start dancing without a care. When I'm tired from that I will shower and try to distract my mind by reading a book or watching a movie. I think I will pick up where I left off with my Angelology book.

Making a list

2011-01-10T22:54:00.000-06:00

This is my very first entry and I am super excited about starting a blog. I've never had one before but the way I abuse my facebook friends with my thoughts every 5 seconds I figured I should probably start one so my friends that really want to hear me whine and complain can absolutely do so. The trouble with this is going to be actually trying to stick with it. Facebook is much more accessible to me with it being on my phone and such. I wonder if blogspot has an app? Surely they would...Anyway, today has been a very lazy day for me since I am recovering from an illness...*cough* :) I've had a lot of time on my hands so I decided I should hook up my new laptop and get a tethering plan through my cellphone provider. Now I'm here, popping my blogging cherry.

While I was trying not to get sick for most of the day I was trying to keep my mind on other things rather than running to my porcelain throne. :) I thought about all the ways to keep myself occupied and how everyone else seems to be following through with their New Year's Resolutions and it got me to thinking about making a list of things I've always wanted to do and giving myself about a year to complete it. I saw that one of my friends has been doing the exact same thing for awhile and seems to be having some pretty good luck with it. Now I just need to figure out all my goals. Here are just a few:

Go to Europe
Learn French
Take a cooking class
Join the Sons of Norway
Pay off all debts
Do one good deed for someone once a day
Give up drinking
Make a schedule
Volunteer work
Go to church

I think I will make the list at 100. I cannot wait to start it. If anyone has any other suggestions for me please let me know. :)

Everyday Experiences from the Divine to the Disastrous...

Mixed emotions

Making a list